I am Thinking about Kindness

and what comes from it

I have a story about kindness and how being kind is almost always worth it, even if it takes some gumption to make the move! Actually it’s two stories.

The first part is that two and a half years ago there was a situation in our neighborhood (ok, it was a murder) and because it was a crime scene it took a long time to… I have no idea, I don’t watch crime shows. It took a long time to do whatever needed to be done. And in those days between knowing there had been a murder and doing whatever needed to be done, there was a police car parked in front of the house day and night. It was so many days! And it was cold and must have been so boring! So finally one evening, after feeling bad for these officers for many days, my (really pretty shy) self waddled out (I was quite pregnant with Sylvi) and offered the officer a cup of coffee. It took a lot of nerve to do that! Well…. He didn’t take my coffee offer. To my absolute horror he asked if he could use our bathroom.

You guys, you know I don’t keep a clean house, but on this day, the place was bad EVEN FOR ME. I actually asked him to wait. He probably thought I was hiding dead bodies, but I was actually hiding my heaps of sorted dirty laundry which were strewn throughout the bathroom AND hallway. I put all the clothes into the bathtub and pulled the shower curtain closed, but it’s not like it really made a difference…. The state of the house was beyond frightening. I’m not kidding you, I was SO EMBARRASSED. So embarrassed that I’ve remained embarrassed about it for these two and a half years.

So, that’s the first part of the story, and here is the second:

Imagine my surprise when Martin said me recently, “guess who my substitute Field Training Officer is!” And it was indeed the man who, more than two years ago, asked to use our garbage can of a bathroom. He remembered. I (OF COURSE—I WILL TAKE MY HUMILIATION, STILL AFLAME, TO MY GRAVE) remembered. So much embarrassment on my part. I mean, I don’t claim to be a good housekeeper by anyone’s standards, but hello, I’m not a complete pig, as anybody who entered our house would have thought that day!

But here’s the thing that I initially overlooked: HE REMEMBERED. And he didn’t (I mean, so he says) remember that my house was an abomination, but he remembered that I came to his car and asked him if he needed anything. He remembered that I came at a time when he was IN GREAT NEED. He remembered the gesture. He remembered the kindness.

So, the other day I re-met him and told him how I had hidden all the dirty clothes in the bathtub. It’s funny the level of closure that gave me! To have thought about this incident way too much since it happened and finally be able to laugh about it and apologize again (for the last time!) was a great feeling!

So I guess the lesson here is that kindness shines above mess. I never *regretted* asking if he needed anything, even though it ended up being uncomfortable and embarrassing. I have regretted lots of times deciding not to do something kind or generous because I was too shy to approach a person. And what’s the worse that can happen if you offer kindness? A stranger says no thank you? They come into your messy house and then don’t really notice the mess because they are just grateful for your generosity? That’s not bad at all. That’s definitely worth the gesture.